Yesterday I was on my way to work and I said to James “see you at therapy!” He looked at me and said adamantly “I am not going.” When I asked “why” I was met with rage. He informed me that the previous week he didn’t have a chance to speak and he was accused of being a sponge and not a good father to our children. Before I had a chance to respond, he stomped inside and locked the front door. I shrugged my shoulders, turned the key in the car and proceeded about my morning commute – first to drop off the children at their respective camp and school and then off to work via the train. A typical morning--complete with bi-polar moods and two cups of coffee.
I called the therapist and relayed this new wrinkle in our journey through marriage therapy. She asked me to come anyway so we could discuss our next plan of action. She asked me to let James know about my disappointment and to say that I would hope that he show up to represent himself. As the day moved forward, I began to feel queasy. Maybe it was a virus or maybe it was nerves. However, I decided not to attend therapy without James.
Later in the day, I discussed James’s reluctance to attend therapy with him and he was a bit more open to hearing feedback. I said, “I wasn’t accusing you, I was telling facts.” I continued, “James, if you were “color blind” you would rely upon me to select your wardrobe so that you wouldn’t walk out the door dressed in purple, blue and orange. Your judging capabilities are blurred between normal and not normal and if our marriage is going to work – you need to start trusting me about my observances as to how you behave.”
He thought for a moment and considered what I said. He followed with, “you have never let me down and you never would – but I have let you down many times.”
It is true – James has let me down on numerous occasions and our lives are getting more complicated as we move towards the unknown. Where do we go from here? Do we stay together? Do we separate or divorce? I have absolutely no idea – however, I am leaning towards separation in order to help and protect our children.
No matter what happens, I am committed to staying positive and to staying focused. As hard as it has been – as hard as it may get, I have to keep reminding myself that “this too shall pass” and my children and I will have happier moments ahead.
